On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
