i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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