I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
