Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
