can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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