Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize