I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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