you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
