He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
