You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
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Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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