i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
