If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
