It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Duck Duck Cougar?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
