you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
and she was petting her beer can
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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