my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I can't turn off my feet"
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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