Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
