You're so nebulous sometimes
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
