Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
