someone owes me an orgasm
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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