So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
