Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I hope mine doesn't look like that
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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