I just threw up on my dentist
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
