I am puke
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
last night I used snow as a chaser
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
