We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
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