all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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