How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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