the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
