her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
even my farts smell like vagina
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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