You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
