Are we in a gay sports bar?
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Little spoons don't ask big questions
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
