No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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