shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
