the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog