I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
My ass is underappreciated
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
