I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
