i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
