Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Two words: nipple clamps
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