Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
25 Men Talk About the First Time They Went Down On A Woman
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
23 Ex Fraternity Brothers & Sorority Sisters Confess Their Most Insane Stories
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.