This girl is more easily done than said...
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
