So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.