Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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