I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
