He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
