Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Success! We fucked roommates!
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
