the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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