Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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