I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
