Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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