no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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