i permit you to call me
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
