She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
