Little spoons don't ask big questions
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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