just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
