A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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