I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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