It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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