Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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