you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
