So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
