I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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