If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
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