Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
