Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
