there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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