The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
