We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
The air taste purple.
Randomize
