there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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