You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
