god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
People in love make me want to vomit
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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