I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
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I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
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